I've never been one to be brave enough to pray, "Lord, humble me!". I guess I know my pride could use a good beating, so I've been too fearful of the flood that would wash over me....afraid I might wash right out to sea with the needed cleansing. Instead I pray safe. Prayers for protection, safety and health, unspoken in my heart and spoken in my home. But sometimes, well always really, God blesses us with what we need, not what we want.
I've often warned my children, when they are looking a little too big for their britches..."If you don't humble yourself, the Lord will do it for you." Of course if you gave me the choice, I would choose the humble heart....but it isn't something that can be ordered online and arrives in a few days with free delivery....it calls for a difficult path and often comes with a bankrupt-like cost. It can only be found at the end of Humble Road, not found along the way on Easy Street. This winding gravel road downright hurts. It means soul searching, confusion, uncertainty, reprimands, hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It means sleeplessness nights and crying yourself to sleep. It means exhaustion and being spent. It means letting go of tasks unfinished, jobs not well done. It means your best effort has fallen short, you can't fix it and you can't even figure it out. It means loss. It means you are desperately dependent on God.
When we return to America, we often hear the usual well-meaning, but usually half-hearted question "How was Japan?". The best answer I've come up with is, "Good, but hard." It's the same with life.
Life is hard, but God is good.
Sometimes in my wimpy-ness I want life to be good too. But then my eyes and trust would turn to the blessing around me rather than the Blesser above me. Humility lessons hurt. But when my knees are bruised and I am bowed down low from debilitating blows, I want to stay there. For it is there that blessings flow. Keep me here Lord. This is where I should be. Filled with a lowly and contrite spirit. Clinging to promised grace for the humbled heart. A hard road, but walked with my Good God who is working His Good purposes in, through and all around me.
