"Where are you looking?" is a question I have been asking myself lately. Or maybe it is the Lord asking me, as His Spirit searches my mind and heart and challenges my sinful, selfishness which tends to look everywhere, but where I should be looking.
Scripture verses about where to set my gaze seem to jump off the page at me. Where will I look? Where is my focus? On Jesus and the eternal kept for me? Or to the fleshly of the here and now, which easily disappoints and doesn't satisfy. This was a reminder I needed years ago when leaving our young adult children and newborn grandies behind to return to Japan. Where was I fixing my eyes? God's Word chastened me with the answer: Not on this world's blessings or pleasures, but on Jesus who is all I need and the rewards of serving Him both now and forever more.
Lately I am reminded of this needed correction, each time I walk out onto our little 2nd story patio. This veranda was one of the reasons I was eager to take this apartment. Even though it is narrow and facing a cement wall, it is spacious and bright, with a good amount of sunshine peaking over the adjacent building's nearby walls. Since we have a small apartment, this balcony gives us some more living and breathing space. Contrary to all our other neighbor's, our's is decked out in it's fullness: an inviting and cheerily decorated green spot. This is my favorite place to eat a leisurely day off breakfast or to cool off with the evening's breezes as I lean out to catch a glimpse of the crayoned sunset clouds.
When I sit here, sipping a cup of tea, I can't help but look at the pile of unsightly collectables in the rented parking spot below. Some worker's have used it for storage and a sort of...well, garbage dump. You might be surprised at how grumpy I become while looking at that mess. We have worked hard to create a restful, refreshing spot...a little oasis from the mess of life and ministry. And here, we were looking right at it, the very thing I am trying to escape. I even put up a bamboo screen, hoping to deter my wondering eye. But no such luck, its' still there, with just a hint of consetration.
And it was while sitting here, looking and complaining, that the Spirit of God convicted me...and He has had to many times...and I am sure many times more to come. "You choose what you look at. Choose to look at the beauty instead of the grime below." Where would I hold my gaze? It is an act of will to divert my eyes. Would I soak in the tranquil picturesque on that balcony that brings joy and hope? Or would I gap at the junk pile that brings discontentment and grumbling? It is so true with my life as well. Instead of looking at the mound of work, uncertainties, worries and unending "to do's" that overwhelm, I need to choose instead, to shift my gaze to Jesus and His Word. To think on His promises of heaven to come. To gaze at the beauty and goodness He is and to meditate on His Word that brings life, strength and peace; even more so that my little, beloved veranda garden.
