...have hit. Last night I couldn't sleep and my mind was racing 100 miles an hour about all the stuff we have to do. It's less than a week before we move out of our house, that for 3 long years has been home. I am fighting that panicy feeling, of "Will we finish in time?". It's not just putting stuff in the boxes, but the deciding and packing suitcases to live out of for 1-2 months, the many details of wrapping up our life of 11 years in this city; it's the black cloud looming above me of the dreaded goodbyes still ahead.Moving is a fact of life for missionaries. We move every 1-4 years. It is something I dread for months ahead and recover from for months afterwards.
I knew this morning the only way I would get through the day is to hear from God. So I escaped to my room to read His Word to me.
God reminded me that I am satisfied in HIM alone.
- Not a smooth running, organized house (which we have given up on, I can't find a thing, including my saught after Biible all day yesterday),
- not my kids being well cared for (we haven't had veggies for 3 days and I'm not very patient with them being understandably out of sorts)
- not joy and fullfillment in our ministry (sad to say goodbye to dear Japanese Christian friends and our church and overwhelmed with future hello's to US life and the uncertainties of our future ministry in Japan),
- nor energy and excitement for what God has for me today (I wake up with a knot in my stomach knowing I just don't have the energy to get everything done and then fall asleep with my head still spinning and my back aching).
I often rely on these things: like a clean house, happy kids, working with people or the day's activities, to satisfy my heart. But in the midst of the mess of moving, these are no where to be found.
Psalm 90:14
"Satisfy us in the morning with Your Unfailing Love."
Psalm 65:4
"We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your House "
Only God, His love and His presense. That is all I need. Even with the moving blues playing it's sad tune in the background, my heavy heart is satisfied.
